I seek the shadows of my past to answers the questions of tomorrow...

Neelgagan ka Parinda

Subah ki pehli kirno ke saath athi toh woh,
Zor zor se pukar thi toh woh, na jane kisse dhund rahi thi woh,
Na jane kis des se ayi thi woh, kaun si zaban main bolti thi woh,

Subah ki roshni main woh neelgagan ka ek tara lagti thi woh,
Teekhe the uske nain, teekhi thi uski boli,
lekin subah ke us sotey jagtey samay main, ek shaant antral thi woh,

Na jane kaha gayi woh, ab na subah ati thi woh roz,
na jagati thi woh muje aur na hi suraj ki roshni main ab baat thi woh,
Kaha hai meri roshni ki leher ab? Kis des ki thi na malum muje, ab kaha dhundo ussey?
Dimaag kehta hai usne chod diya tera dar, par dil kehta hai woh yahi hai, dikhegi tuje woh kissi roz,
Man darpan hai to dil ayena, joh dekhoge wohi dikhega aur jo hai wohi samjehga,

Everyone has it but me,
from the clashing clouds in the sky to the ravishing birds on the trees,
the season of reason is over, its all about finding a lover.

The cats and the mice

One day not so long ago, there sat a princess cat named Mary near a sea shore in a city not far from here. She loved the early morning sea breeze gently touching her fur. She sat there with not a care in the world, she had just had a nice hearty breakfast of some pancakes that her mommy had made.

She suddenly smelled in the air a weird stench, she knew what it was but couldn't remember what it was, then she saw the source. A raggty little mouse had come near her and was sitting right by her side. She looked at him with her big round eyes. The little mouse smiled at her and she laughed at the way that little mouse smiled at her.

"Whats your name?", she asked. "They call me Ivan, Ivan the mice", he said. "Its mouse, not mice, how many people are you?", she said. The little mouse chuckled and offered her a piece of his candy. She took it from him with a smile.

The little mouse rubbed his little head on her leg to show his affection, the kitty in turn stroked his head with her tail. Since, then they met everyday by the sea shore. The mouse had a home just like hers but just like her he loved to sit by the sea shore and watched the sea. They talked a lot about many things, the kitty loved the mouse a lot. The little mouse in turn loved her so much that his day wouldn't start if he did not see her.

The mouse was as they say "special", the kitty new about it and always tried to help the mouse. The mouse was very smart but he had his share of problems, for one, he did not know what kind of mouse he was, and every time he decided to be one kind of mouse, the next day he would turn around become the same ol' kind of mouse. The kitty used to hear him out patiently, the kitty had another cat friend, her name was Fairy. She too joined them by the sea shore.

Fairy was a feisty little cat, all the cats, dogs and mice feared her for she could beat them to a pulp in a matter of seconds, yet they adored her because she was the best baker in town. If they had a party and had a cake, it had to be hers. Fairy, too heard Ivan with all the patience in the world. The two cats adored their little mouse friend, even though he was a little insane and at times used to get in fights with dogs and mostly used to get beaten up by them.

The cats tried everything they could to help this little mouse, but, the mouse took them for granted. He never really changed, he never really accepted the kind of mouse he was. The cats loved him a lot, but they were getting annoyed, for the mouse only listened to them and never acted on there advice.

The cats had there problems too, and the mouse was a patient listener but, his patience was not as deep as the cats and he often turned things around to him. The cats could never get through to him, even though they knew he loved them equally.

Years passed like this and the cats liked going to the sea shore and seeing the little mouse waiting for them, but they somehow detested his banter, for he would start off nice and then swing to his old talk. The place where they sat was no more a happy little place, the mouse who came in there lives riding on a rainbow, was now a mere obligation.

Fairy called one day Mary to her bakery and over a delicious fast of cookies, creamed coffee and pies, they discussed what to do with the mouse. The next day the mouse went to the sea shore and saw the kitties sitting on a different rock, he tried reaching that rock but he couldn't for he was too small for that rock.

He smiled at the kitties but they looked the other side, the little mouse went back and sat on that little rock where they all sat once and wept. He wept all day and all night, the kitties came every morning and saw him from the distant rock, he too saw them with his teary eyes, but he never dared to go near them. He left them little messages by the rock and the kitties read all his messages.

Then one day the kitties went to the distant rock and looked to the rock where they once sat, the mouse was not there, he did not come the next  or they day after or as a matter of fact ever again. The kitties one day decided to go to that rock and see for themselves.

On the side of the rock lay a bottle with a little message in it, they took it out and read it aloud.

"To my Mary and Fairy Di,

You welcomed me in your heart when all the doors all over the world were closed to me, you nurtured me when I needed someone the most. You were my sunshine when I needed the sun, you were my raindrops when I needed the rain. You stood by me when I was down and you stood by me when I was high. I on the other hand took you for granted, I lied to you. I wanted your pity, I wanted your hugs and I wanted your attention. I was selfish, I never realized how much you two meant to me. Now I have lost the two most important things in my life and instead of doing something about it, I cried. I first hated you two for ignoring me, then I begged you two to take back, then I wept some more. But, now I realize sometimes the people who love you the most don't necessarily have to be with you to show you how much they care for you. I have to go on a journey now, I have to travel to a place where I always said I wanted to go but never dared to go, I will now go there all by myself and fins myself.

I wish that this journey teaches me who I really am, the mouse you met not so long ago was not a bad mouse,but, a lost mouse. A mouse who took you two for granted. The mouse who will come back, will be a different one, this mouse will love you the way you loved him. This mouse will make his sisters proud. Till then this mouse will not bother you two, he will always love you and by this rock he will leave you a message from time to time to tell you how he is and will hope you two might do the same.

I will talk to you once, I become something in life which is much more deeper than the kind of mouse I am, I can be any kind of mouse, till the time I am happy and I move beyond all this to a far better place in life. I know how much you cared for me and how selfish I got. I am like the kids in Fairy's bakery who don't understand how much sweet is enough for them.

To end this letter, all I want to say is thank you for being there and always being there! and thank you for throwing me out of your lives, I hope one day I come back to you as a better mouse.

Love
Ivan Bo- The Mice :')

When We Two Parted - Lord Byron

To Emptiness:
      WHEN we two parted
          In silence and tears,
      Half broken-hearted
          To sever for years,
      Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
          Colder thy kiss;
      Truly that hour foretold
          Sorrow to this.
                         
      The dew of the morning
          Sunk chill on my brow —
      It felt like the warning
          Of what I feel now.
      Thy vows are all broken,
          And light is thy fame:
      I hear thy name spoken,
          And share in its shame.
                           
      They name thee before me,
          A knell to mine ear;
      A shudder comes o'er me —
          Why wert thou so dear?
      They know not I knew thee,
          Who knew thee too well: —
      Long, long shall I rue thee,
          Too deeply to tell.
                           
      In secret we met —
          In silence I grieve,
      That thy heart could forget,
          Thy spirit deceive.
      If I should meet thee
          After long years,
      How should I greet thee? —
          With silence and tears.

Khat

Kabhi tere se baat karne ke liye seher tak rukta tha main,
ab toh teri parchaiyo ko chune se darta hu main,
teri yaadon main roz kahin kho jata hu, us din ko yaad karke gumsum sa mayus hokar khush ho jata hu,
hur roz sochta hu ki kuch alag kaha hota yah alag sa kuch sama hota, toh aaj tum bhi mere paas hote,
ab toh bus ek chere ki parchai hai, jin ankhon main guma tha main uske agey kale badal ki chadar bich gayi hai,
dur lagta hai us parchai ko dekh kar, yaad hi hai teri, yaad karne ki koshish bhi karta hu par na tu dikhti hai, na tu sunti hai, aur nah hi ab dil main woh tez dhadkan hoti hai, ab toh bus us kali chadar ko uthane ki koshish hoti...
Roz niklta hu, sabse milta hu, sab kuch karta hu, par darta hu ki kahin kissi roz hum mill na jae,
Dil kehta hai tu mod pe hi khadi hai, ussi kesari boj ke saath, intezar main meri, main ata toh hu roz,
par sirf ek parchai hi milti hai, rukta hu toh bebasi milti hi, chalta hu toh baichaini.
Kya ek jhoot ki saza maut se bhi battar hoti hai, dozzak main bhi jagah na mille, samundar main pani na mille, dhoop main bhi sardi lage, kya yeh kam nahi!

Neend toh ab ati nahi, ankh band kaise karu jab tumhari yaad jati hi nahi, chal pada hu kissi nai manzil par,
par tumhari galli dil se nikalti nahi, woh  bhi maaf kar deta, par tu nahi,
Woh bacha toh mar gaya hai, par yeh abhi bhi zinda hai, char saal se zinda hai, par mara hua hai.

Sooraj ki chandni

Ab nahi dikhte tare raat main, na dikhti hai chandni,
bus leheron ke saath behta ja ra ha hu, samundar main gota marne ki saza pa raha hu,
doobne ka man hai par dooba nahi jata, mann toh hai bohot par ab dooba nahi jata.

Ab nahi dikhta hai ugta hua sooraj, na milti hi subah subah ki thandi hava,
ab toh soobah hoti hai dupher main, raat hoti hai seher main,
angrezo ki hukumat ab doobta nahi hai humara suraj, sirf lagta hai ki hum doob rahe hai,
naukri ke naam pe saza bhog rahe hai, pischar banke dharti pe rom rahe hai.

Cigarette ke dhooe ko chewing gum ke mint se chupa rahe hai,
sharam nahi hai phoonkne main, par garv bhi nahi hai
Coffee aur chai se apni insani dhaanche ko chalne ki koshish kar rahe hai,
palake jhapakne ke ehsas hota hai toh Red Bull bhi peene pe majbur hote hai.

Na dikhti hai ab ghas pe jami oas ki chadar, ab toh neend se jung main hi fasa rehta hu,
Khwabo ko sajne ke liye nahi karte hai yeh hum, sirf ghar chalne ke liye hai majbur hum,
Agar khel-kud lete toh aaj ban jate nawab, pad likh liya hai isliye ab bhool gaye hai sab khwab,
Koi shayar tha, koi tha kadrdaan, aur koi tha mehmaan, ab sab hai pashan.

Ab Chandni nahi dikhti hai raat main, dikhta hai toh sirf chaiwala aur uske haath main humari brand ki cigarette,
Dhooe ke zindagi, dhooe main hi ek din gum ho jayegi, benami main paida hoke gumnaami main mil jaegi.